Your Spouse: Someone You Should Know

Our final guest couple for the "Five Years One Thing" series was planning to share their wisdom with us tonight. But they didn't want to share the flu with us as well, so they will most likely be visiting us on February 8.

Instead of trying to line up another guest at the last minute, we did something a little more interactive. One thing you should know before you've been married for five years is your spouse, so everyone took a quiz on their spouse. Our top scorers were Christian and Lindsay, who were awarded the Marriage Matters Traveling Trophy for their spousal knowledge.

The "How Well Do You Know Your Spouse Quiz":

1. When would your spouse prefer to wake up?
2. Would your spouse say there is a correct way to hang toilet paper? If so, what would they say it is?
3. Who, besides you, is your spouse's best friend?
4. What is your spouse's primary love language?
5. If money were no longer an issue in your lives, what would your spouse do with their days?
6. What is your spouse's favorite movie?
7. What is the last book your spouse finished?
8. What is your spouse's favorite song? If your spouse does not have a favorite song, who is your spouse's favorite band/artist?
9. What food that you cook/prepare does your spouse most like to eat?
10. What is something you do that your spouse wishes you didn't do?
11. What are your spouse's burial preferences?
12. What is your spouse's favorite book of the Bible?
13. Who was your spouse's favorite teacher or professor?
14. What is your spouse's dream date?
15. What is your spouse's dream vacation?
16. How many kids does your spouse want?
17. What do you wear that your spouse wishes you didn't?
18. What is your spouse's favorite sport to watch?
19. What is your spouse's favorite sport to play?
20. How many questions did your spouse get right?
    

And a brief reminder: Marriage Matters will not be meeting as usual on February 1.

Our Story for His Glory

Our guests for the third week of the "Five Years One Thing" series were Randy and Mindy McCright. They had a lot more than one thing to share, but they tied everything together. Each marriage is a story that God can use for His glory.

Randy and Mindy each prepared something separate to share.

Mindy went first. She said that she had learned that if you expecting too much out of your spouse, you will be disappointed, and you will put too much pressure on your spouse to live up to your expectations. It's unfair to your spouse. God is the only one that can fully satisfy us. So, she said, make the Lord your strength.

She also told us about the power of praise to counter expectations, especially her experience with a book called 31 Days of Praise. If you thank God for the good aspects of your spouse, you will be able to stop focusing on their weaknesses. But also, you can thank God for your spouse's weaknesses. God had a purpose in giving your spouse each weakness; your spouse is still wonderfully made!

Randy took the alliterative approach to preparation. His "S words" were

• Servanthood: Your marriage is not about you. Serving your spouse is more important to God.
• Security: There are many kinds of security. Guys, give your wife the security of knowing that you only have eyes for her. That's security that she really desires.
• Sacrifice: God gives us what we need. We can sacrifice the things we want. But we should focus on the fundamentals, the basics, of marriage (things like spending time together, expresing love to each other, and so on.)
• Success: Define success Biblically, not as the world defines it. Relationships are far more important than stuff.
• Sex: All of those other "S words" add up to this. Sex shouldn't be the objective of your marriage. It should be the result of a successful and secure marriage based on servanthood and sacrifice. "After the kids leave the house, what will you do with each other?"

Randy summed this up by saying "It's not what you do, but who you are." For the guys, that means man up. I'm not sure what the catchy phrase for the non-guys is. Your character is far more important than your stuff.

During the Q&A time, Randy and Mindy also shared some great advice. Among the things they shared:

• Have fun. Balance intentionality with spontaneity. [That balance will look different for each couple, but have fun with each other.]
• Establish principles in your marriage. Praying together regularly and asking for forgiveness were two principles that were mentioned.
• Pray "Lord, let us know what we need to know." It can apply to your marriage, to kids, or to any area of your life where you don't quite know everything yet.
  

This was one you really had to be there for. I definitely didn't capture all the information, let alone the fun and the laughter. When class finally wrapped up twenty minutes later than usual, we still wanted to hear more. Many thanks to Randy and Mindy for giving us this time, and for sharing part of the story of your marriage!

If there's anything that caught your ear, or just to continue the discussion, please post it in the comments.

Five Years One Thing #2

In the second week of our "Five Years One Thing" series, Pastor Bob Westfall and his wife Leesa were our guests. They shared their answer to the question, "What's the one thing you wish you had known before your fifth anniversary?" Because of their great wisdom, they actually had more than one thing to share. Their Top 10 list (they actually counted down from ten, so just flip the numbers if you want):

1. Never go to bed angry.
2. Go to bed at the same time.
3. Remember that feelings follow actions.
4. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to tell each other what pleases you.
5. Know each other's love languages.
6. Timing is everything. Learn how to have a fair fight.
7. Agree on a budget.
8. Pray together every day.
9. Don't assume you know what your spouse is thinking, or that they know what you're thinking.
10. Don't take each other or your marriage for granted.

Bob and Leesa also emphasized that Christ is an essential part of a good marriage.

There was also a lot of good information shared during the Q&A (which I didn't take notes on). There was also laughter, and at least one Flying Weenie reference.

So, Bob and Leesa, thanks for spending some time with us. You're welcome back any time!

Five Years One Thing

Tonight we started the "Five Years One Thing" series. Guest couples that have more marriage experience than the rest of us will visit us to answer the question "What's the one thing you wish you had known before your fifth anniversary?" Our guest couples will help us to see a little bit further down the road of marriage, with the wisdom that comes with their perspective and experience.

Our first "guests" were Ed and Christine Luebe. Their "one thing" is the importance of knowing your calling and values as a couple. As a couple it's possible to lose sight of (or even as individuals) your mission (calling) and the things that are most important in your family (your values) as you go through life. Talk with your spouse, decide what your calling and values are, and then write them down. And refer back to what you've written, to make sure you're continuing on the right track.