Amgad and Jenny's Marriage Tips

Marriage Matters - Sunday, July 11, 2010

1. Develop a vision and the core values for your family
   
   1. Most important tip we can offer (still working on it ourselves)
   2. Guides every other decision you make individually, as a couple, and a family
   3. Aligns your everyday choices to make progress toward your ultimate vision
   4. Why leave something to chance that is so eternally important?
   
   


2. Carve out intentional time to invest in your marriage and evaluate your vision & values
   
   1. For us, it’s a date night every week
   2. Also do a weekly review/preview that gives us a pulse on how we’re doing with current goals or projects
   3. Putting Joey to bed early and doing little or no chores in the evening to be together alone for downtime


3. Encourage each other in areas where we’re most skilled
   
   1. Anyone can criticize their spouse for things they’re bad at
   2. Important also to build up our spouses in areas they excel
   3. Challenge them to take their skills to the next level
   4. Unique perspective as a spouse - extremely close but able to be objective and honest
   5. Give advice for improvement gently; accept advice humbly
   6. Example: Jenny excels at meticulous budgeting, but Amgad encouraged her to use her time wisely by focusing on lowering the taxable assessed value of the house rather than coupon clipping
   
   


4. Show grace for the other person’s recurring weaknesses - but work on those recurring weaknesses yourself as a way of showing love/respect (Sesame Street clip)
   
   1. Usually in the “little things” but enough offenses and they become big things
   2. Example: Jenny makes big meal that takes forever; Amgad wants quality time
   3. Amgad has learned to be gracious when Jenny keeps making this mistake
   4. Jenny has realized that it’s not just a punctuality issue but also a way to show Amgad that she respects him so much that she’ll work to overcome this weakness
   5. Amgad is learning to lovingly & humbly challenge and enable Jenny to improve
   
   


5. Don’t make jokes that tear each other down
   
   1. As big teasers, this is our way of enjoying ourselves and relieving tension
   2. Although “all in fun” it can hurt if the spouse is sensitive in a particular area.
   3. Example: Amgad joking about Jenny’s growing belly very early on in the pregnancy hurts Jenny because she feels fat
   4. Best to build your spouse up and avoid the teasing


6. Mentorship: Getting to know each other’s parents and other older couples
   
   1. Relationship w/ each others’ parents
      
      1. Has given us a window into our spouse’s behavior.
      2. Also helps us to glean wisdom in their parenting (of us!)
      3. Example: Jenny now knows why Amgad is so cautious and thorough -- his mom is the one who taught him that!
      4. Example: Amgad now knows why Jenny is so clumsy and careless -- her dad is the one who modeled that for her!
      5. Developing an awareness of these attributes helps us to be wise in balancing them in our own relationship and parenting style
   2. Developing relationships w/ older couples helpful in so many ways:
      
      1. Window into future stages of marriage and child rearing
      2. Wisdom and encouragement for current seasons we’re going through that they’ve already succeeded in
      3. Safe third party for resolving conflicts because both of us respect their advice and are willing to take it
      4. Doesn’t have to be an ongoing committed mentor relationship -- can be dinner or coffee as a need arises. Mix it up and meet lots of different types of couples!
      5. Meet these couples through serving, Bible studies...anywhere! Evaluate areas you’d like to grow as a couple and seek couples you feel are strong in that area
      6. Great opportunity to view families farther along than yours and discuss what you’d want for your own family.
      7. Mentor relationships don’t always have to be with couples who are a generation ahead of you, but just a season. Ex: Jenny sought out Heather Adolphs for advice on disciplining Joey
   
   
   3. Make a budget for your resources (time, talent, treasure)
      
      1. This is where the rubber meets the road with your values
      2. We’ve found it helpful to be specific rather than vague in numbers for a money budget; specificity reduces the risk of misunderstanding
      3. Parable of the Talents
      4. So much freedom in having a plan!

[Thanks to Amgad and Jenny for sharing with us!]

Sunday School Revisited - Noah (Genesis 6:1-9:17)

[This is just a HTML-ification of the notes and handouts for the first lesson in the "Sunday School Revisited" series.]

There are a lot of stories from Sunday School that were just stories, and never really seemed to connect to other parts of the Bible. Maybe they don't get connected until later. Maybe you never really went to Sunday School, so when some of these names get mentioned in church or a Bible study or ABF, you feel lost. This series revisits some of the “classics” from Sunday School, tries to flesh them out, and put them into some context.

[Opening large-group]

1. How many people attended Sunday School very regularly as children? Irregularly or not often? Never?
2. Read the story of Noah from a kid's Bible. Ask how complete the story is.
3. To flesh out the story, let's first split into groups of 3-4 couples.
4. Each group will have a different aspect of the story to look at and teach the rest of the class. Each group also gets to assemble some sort of craft project to illustrate something about what they are teaching. At the end, we'll get back together and you can teach the other groups what you learned and share your craft project.

[Small Group 1]

Your group gets... Covenants!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about covenants in the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about covenants, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• What is a covenant?
• How many covenants had God made with humanity prior to Noah?
• Would God make other covenants with humanity after Noah?
• The word “covenant” appears in Genesis 6:18, then again frequently in Genesis 9:1-17. Was God making one covenant, or two? What was the nature of the covenant(s)?
• What was God agreeing to under the covenant(s) he made with Noah? What was humanity agreeing to?
• Who got the better end of the deal? Why?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life today?

[Small Group 2]

Your aspect is... Salvation!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about salvation in the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about humanity being saved, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• How many people were there in the world at the time of the flood?
• How many were saved?
• Genesis 6:9 says that Noah was “blameless”. What does that mean? How does that compare to “sinless”?
• What connections do you see between Noah and Jesus?
• What differences do you see in the salvation Noah offered and the salvation Jesus offered?
• What was the salvation that came through Noah?
• What was the salvation that came through Jesus?
• Do you think that what God did through Noah was a foreshadowing of what God would do through Jesus? Why or why not?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life today?

[Small Group 3]

Your group gets... Justice and Mercy!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
(God's patience and giving second chances, combined with righteousness and justice)
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about God's justice and God's mercy in the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about justice and mercy, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• Why did God send the flood?
• Did God want to send the flood?
• How much sin can God tolerate?
• How much sin did God tolerate? (see Genesis 6:5-7)
• Was the world more or less wicked in those days than today? Why do you think so?
• What examples of mercy can you find in the story?
• Do you think God displayed more justice or more mercy in the account of the flood?
• Here's a specific example to get you thinking: what kind of warning did people outside of Noah's family have about the flood? Was this more just, or more merciful?
• When discussing Noah and the flood, is justice or mercy usually the focus?
• In versions of the story for young children (e.g. in kid's Bibles), is justice or mercy usually the focus?
• Is this a good thing or not?
• Should the other aspect get more focus in versions for children?
• If there weren't animals in this story, do you think this story would be a Sunday School staple?
• After the flood, had humanity run out of second chances from God?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life today?

[Small Group 4]

Your aspect is... Content Community in Confined Quarters!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about “Content Community in Confined Quarters”—that is, getting along with others in cramped living spaces—using the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about keeping a confined community content, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• What's it like to be cooped up with a few other people for a long time?
• How many people were in the ark?
• How big was the ark? How much space do you think was reserved for people?
• Approximately how long were they in the ark?
• Approximately how smelly were they in the ark?
• How well would you have dealt with this situation?
• What conflicts do you think might have arisen between you and your spouse if you had been on the ark?
• How would you counsel someone else to deal with a needing to live in tight quarters with a similar group of family members for a long time?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life or marriage today?

Simple Truths About Parenting - Session 4

[Matt's notes from the parenting series taught by Don & Blynda. These are mostly unedited from the originals. Please feel free to add clarifications in comments.]

Heart of Your Toddler

• Toddlers do not reason well
• They are literally "not reasonable".
  
• They are not cognitively developed enough to reason
• But they can learn and remember (behavior modification does not affect the heart, but is effective for toddlers)
  
• They don't have to agree to comply
• You can explain reasons later on (maybe years later, probably sometime after the 3rd birthday)
  
• Toddlers like self-rule
• But it's not best for them
• Parents need to bring them to a place of submission to our authority (this is the goal)
• Illustration - a funnel (narrow end facing left, wide end facing right: the width of the funnel (vertical distance) represents boundaries; the horizontal distance represents time). It's a really long funnel (one end is choosing a toy to play with, the other end is something like driving a car). As we see that kids respond in obedience, we open up the boundaries of privilege.
• Success in obedience is motivation for kids to attempt more successes in obedience
• Choice is not always good
• Be careful how many choices you offer your child
• Choice implies authority

Start now identifying the character traits you are aiming for: obedience and respect.

• Now: Obedience is what we're after
• Develop with consistent structure and follow-through

Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 20:5

Simple Truths About Parenting - Session 3

[Matt's notes from the parenting series taught by Don & Blynda. These are mostly unedited from the originals. Please feel free to add clarifications in comments.]

Respect and Obedience

• Respect is taught by giving your child the chance to act respectful toward another person.

How do you teach obedience?

• Ephesians 6:1-3, Colossians 3:20-21
• Genesis 22:1-3: Good example of true obedience:
• Response was immediate
• Response was without question or challenge.
• "Why" can be asked after they obey
• Over time, we can explain "why" - but after
  
• Response was without complaint
• With God, we can communicate how we feel, but it can't get in the way of obedience
• "We want you to feel free to let us know how you feel - but that does not mean freedom to express that any way you like."
• We can ask questions of our kids, but not in the heat of the moment [I think this had to do with dealing with grudging obedience, but not sure. -ms]
  
• Response was complete
• Meeting halfway is not good enough
• D&B have seen this as most beneficial in their kids' relationship with Jesus
• It's up to you to pick the standard you expect of your kids
• It's more fair to your kids to be consistent at your chosen standard

Babies (really more parent-training than baby-training)

• Decide to see babies as welcome additions, not the center of activity
• "How do we incorporate this child into the existing atmosphere?"
  
• Establish and teach healthy security patterns
  
• Trust vs Proximity
• Don't translate your emotions to the child (they're simpler than you are)
  
• Build security based on relationship, not proximity
• e.g. teach the baby that when mom/dad leaves, they come back
• Be careful with phrases like "I'll never leave you" or "I'll always be there for you" - you can't control what might happen (e.g. hit by bus)
  
• Boundaries are not bad
• They are realistic introductions to the world we live in
• There are natural boundaries and authority structures
• Boundaries aren't restrictive in the negative sense.
  

Simple Truths About Parenting - Session 2

[Matt's notes from the parenting series taught by Don & Blynda. These are mostly unedited from the originals. Please feel free to add clarifications in comments.]

What stands out about kids that are pleasant to be around?

• The things they do are different - but character - the kind of person they are - is the same
• Character: the collective qualities that distinguish a person; moral strength.
  
• Character can be strong/weak, positive/negative
• Goal is not to have a perfect child
• List in Galatians is Holy Spirit-driven (not something parents will drive into their kids)
• Psalm 15 (esp in The Message version) - list of traits
• How I start to look as I spend time with God: walk straight, act right, tell the truth, don't hurt your friend, don't blame your neighbor, despise the despicable, keep your word even when it costs you, make an honest living, never take a bribe
• Translates to things like being honest, loyal, responsible, hardworking, honorable, respectful, selfless, showing discretion...
• (these traits should be worked on 1 or 2 at a time, max)
• Learn what your own weaknesses are - know what the traps to avoid are
• Foundational traits: obedience and respect. (All other traits can be developed from these)

You can work on behavior, but the goal is always the heart.

Simple Truths About Parenting - Session 1

[Matt's notes from the parenting series taught by Don & Blynda. These are mostly unedited from the originals. Please feel free to add clarifications in comments.]

A husband and wife is a complete family unit (Genesis - after making Eve, God pronounced the new family "very good").

• Husband's primary relationship within the family is with his wife.
• Wife's primary relationship within the family is with her husband.
• Avoid child-centeredness.
  
• Focus first on strengthening marriage.
• Kids don't draw you away from the H/W relationship, but they do distract completely.
• Take the first part of the day/your time to do/plan something for your spouse (don't leave spouse with what's left)
• Once the baby is born, ASAP, start dating again, then ASAP without taking the kid with
  
• Husbands - remind your wife of the fun you used to have - remind her she used to be fun and not tired (pursue her)

Four Phases of Parenting (continuum)

Age	Birth	Age 7	Age 13	Age 18
Relationship	Directing	Coaching	Mentoring	Releasing
State of Child	Folly	...	...	Wisdom
Structure	Authority	...	...	Mutual Respect
Response (child to parent)	Duty	...	...	Devotion

Mandate: Authority/Influence

• 1 Corinthians 11:3, Exodus 20:12, Colossians 3:30 (really directed at parents)
• Person under authority choses to line their will up under the authority (order their will under)
• To parent well, you need to understand authority
• To parent well, you need to use your influence
• You only have a few years of influence - about 13
• God designed it that way
• Establish authority by age 4
• After that, it's difficult - then it's influence
  

Mission: Discipline = Discipling

• Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 19:18 (read in The Message version)
• The idea that Discipline = Discipling is not cultural
• According to God's word, and your goals, and each kid's "bent", set goals (less than 4, and keep them simple) for your kids' lives. (The kid's "bent" is 3rd because the mission you set for each kid should align with the family mission.)

Method

• Use a standard that will pass the test of time
• The Bible is a standard like that
• Parenting theories come and go
• Be proactive, not reactive
• Know where you're headed
• Watch for families with positive examples ("I'd like our family to look like them")
• Do other people enjoy your kids?
• Realize each child will be unique (revise method according to their bent)
• Be a "student of your children" - take the time to get to know them

It's okay to take some date time to talk about the kids...BUT NOT ALL/MOST OF THE TIME!

The Fig Tree and the Temple

Tonight we looked at Mark 11:1-26, which is a fairly eventful passage. It begins with the triumphal entry into Jerusalem, and recounts the cleansing of the temple.

But bookending the cleansing of the temple is the very confusing account of the fig tree. Why would Jesus curse a fig tree for not bearing fruit out of season? From a combination of commentaries, "cheater notes", the context, and a few targeted questions, we came to a couple of conclusions.

Fig trees apparently develop fruit and leaves at the same time. The tree was advertising fruitfulness while truly being barren. This helps us understand the cleansing of the temple--it advertised spiritual fruitfulness, but it was a marketplace, a shortcut, and much more profane than sacred. The temple had become spiritually barren.

Another conclusion (or maybe hypothesis) we developed was that Jesus was showing that seasons of spirituality would be obsolete in his coming kingdom. Israel had gone through seasons of worship and apostasy. But perhaps in the new kingdom, the seasons of falling away would stop.

I found an article about the fig tree that has more detail. It also cites references, for anyone that's interested in digging in deeper.

We had a great discussion tonight. The takeaway offered at the end was not to be like the fig tree and the temple: make sure what your outside (appearance, behavior, words) advertises matches your inward condition.

[Editor's note: I may or may not post back-notes on Mark 9 and Mark 10. If not, we studied Mark 10 a week ago, and Mark 9 the week before that.]

An Eternal Mindset

In our discussion of Mark 8, one theme kept coming up. From the "yeast of the Pharisees" to Jesus's rebuke of Peter, that theme was the importance of focusing on eternal things.

It's not an easy thing to do. Jesus warned his disciples against the "yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod". He was warning them not to focus on the things of the world--gaining acclaim, wealth, leisure, or power, for example. His disciples missed the point, and focused on a basic earthly need--food.

Later, Jesus predicted he would be killed. He also predicted he would rise three days later. Peter took him aside and rebuked him. Most likely, Peter had a cultural idea of what the Messiah would be: a conquering king in the mold of David, a mortal favored by God who would set up an enduring kingdom of Israel. Dying didn't fit into that picture.

Jesus responded to the rebuke by saying "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Let's focus on the things of God. Taking up your cross daily (or in modern terms, strapping into your electric chair daily) might not be easy, but it's the price Jesus asked for the reward he offered.

Honor, Worship, and Your Marriage

In the passage we discussed tonight, Jesus responded to a challenge from the Pharisees by pointing out that, as Isaiah said,

These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
They worship me in vain...

After discussing what it means to worship in vain (going through motions to make oneself look or feel good; external behavior that doesn't come from the heart, and so on), we changed the context.

Instead of God's relationship to people, we talked about the marriage relationship. Is it possible to honor your spouse with your lips while your heart is far from him/her, and to love him/her in vain? After talking about what that might look like, and what it might feel like, the group came up with some good suggestions for avoiding or breaking out of that selfish mode.

• Be mindful of selfish behavior, and practice replacing "love in vain" with genuine love.
• Reviewing things you like/appreciate/love about your spouse when tempted to "love in vain".
  
• Confessing (to your spouse and to God) when you catch yourself loving in vain.

I think I may have forgotten a suggestion. If anyone remembers what it was, please post it in the comments.

An Open and Closed Case - The Two Sides of Community

Marriage Matters took a break from our study of Mark to take a look at the two sides of community. Pastor Kim was our guest speaker and shared about his passion: community and inclusiveness. The rest of these notes are pretty much copied from his handout in class.

Biblical Basis for Community

• The Triune God exists in community and we are made in His image (Genesis 1:26)
• The cross levels all barriers and is the basis for our unity and community (Acts 10:34-35; Ephesians 2:11-12; Ephesians 3:6)
• The church is made up of members who are interdependent on one another (1 Corinthians 12:12)
• Spiritual growth takes place as we interact with God's Word in the context of community (Ephesians 4:15-16)

Community Spaces

Type of Space	Public	Social	Personal	Private
Size of Group	100 Plus	13 - 100	2 - 12	1 - 2
Jesus' Example	Crowds	70	The 12 disciples	Peter, James, and John
Connecting through sharing...	A common experience	Snapshots of who we are	Private experiences, feelings, and thoughts	Intimate experiences, feelings, and thoughts
New Covenant Environments	Front Porch	Living Room	Kitchen Table
New Covenant Ministries	Worship Service	Adult Bible Fellowship	Small Group
Ratio	8	4	2	1
Relationally	Open - Bridging	Closed - Bonding

Assumptions

• People grow best in healthy community.
• People connect in all four spaces, not just in one or two.
• All four spaces are valued and important.
• Harmony among all four spaces builds healthy community in individuals and organizations.
• Community happens spontaneously. People search for spontaneous community, not forced belonging.
• We can facilitate environments that help people connect.
• People are looking for friends, not a friendly church.

Hospitality

• Leviticus 19:33-34
• Luke 15:1-2
• Romans 12:9-16
• 1 Peter 4:8-10

Application
As an ABF, how can we practice hospitality?

• Intentionally look for people who you can invite to your ABF
• Use name tags
• Acknowledge guests
• Use ice breaker questions to help new guests get snapshots of who you are
• Invite guests to return
• Go first, set the pace, and be real
• Send a note to first time guests, thanking them for coming
• Get to know those who are new and connect them with others who have like interests
• Don't huddle with your friends
• Handle prayer time with sensitivity
• Provide meals, care, notes, personal touch
• Host an ABF Open House and invite guests

We shape environments, as opposed to creating groups. When the environment is healthy, people will find connection on their own and form groups spontaneously. This approach gives freedom and responsibility to individuals, because people will experience belonging and a sense that this helps them with their life. It also helps keep our controlling nature at bay. - Joseph Myers, The Search to Belong

Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate. The more clearly we learn to recognize that the ground and strength and promise of all our fellowship is in Jesus Christ alone, the more serenely shall we think of our fellowship and pray and hope for it. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

Kim gave us a challenge tonight--not that he necessarily meant it as a challenge, but as a statement of fact: In open social spaces, Christ-followers should be the most inclusive people on Earth.

How's that work? For some ideas and to get infected with excitement for community, check out Kim's blog. Or throw out your ideas and questions in the comments.

Kim, thank you for investing your time in our class--both the preparation and the time you spent teaching us.

Does God Care?

Mark 4:35-5:43 is a series of 3 or 4 stories, depending on how you count them. But all of the stories address one common doubt: does God care?

Before Jesus calmed the storm, he was asleep in the stern of the boat. The disciples, experienced fishermen, were afraid. The storm surely had something to do with it, but their real fear was that Jesus didn't care.

After Jesus drove the legion of demons out of the man and into the herd of pigs, the pigs drowned themselves. The people in the town didn't doubt that Jesus had power, but after seeing their economic loss, they did doubt that he cared about them.

The synagogue ruler, Jairus, came to Jesus out of desperation. His daughter was dying. Jesus agreed to go with him, but stopped in the street to find out who touched him. Jesus spent time talking with the woman he had just healed, and meanwhile, Jairus was told that his daughter had died. The text doesn't say what Jairus did or said, but I would certainly have doubted that Jesus really cared if I had been in Jairus's place.

As for the woman that Jesus healed, I would not be at all surprised to discover that she had, at some point in her twelve years of suffering, doubted that God cared about her.

In all of these stories, Jesus showed that he really did care. He calmed the storm, left the worried townspeople alone, healed the woman, and raised Jairus's daughter.

Then again, the woman's story had been twelve years in the making. Mark just wrote about the end of it. The takeaway from our class discussion is that God really is in control of your situation, and that God really does care, even if things are getting worse.

The Kingdom of God Grows

Jesus tells four parables (and explains one) in Mark 4:1-34. They're fairly familiar parables, about sowing seed on different soils, putting lamps on lampstands instead of under baskets, seeds that grow while you sleep, and mustard seeds.

Parables are stories that are intended to make an impact on and stick with an audience, in a way that a list of bullet points can't. For a story to have an impact, we need to understand the point of the story--much like we need to understand a joke to find it funny. There has been a lot written about interpreting parables, but here are two important tasks:

1. Identify points of reference: the parts of the story with which the audience would identify as it is being told.
2. Identify audience: how the original hearers would have identified with the story (i.e. what they would have heard).

All four parables we looked at had something to do with growth, and the Parable of the Mustard Seed made it clear that the thing growing is the Kingdom of God. As part of the Kingdom of God, we contribute to that growth--not by our own self-efforts, as Pastor Bob preached tonight--but by following the promptings of the Holy Spirit and through the new nature that we have in Christ.

How does knowing that you are a part of the growing Kingdom of God, and will somehow contribute to that growth, affect the way you will live your life?

What is not Forgivable?

In Mark 3:28-29, Jesus says that all the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them, but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven.

What's blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? How is that different than other sorts of sin or blasphemy?

Here are four resources that dig deep into the answers to these questions:

• An answers to the question, "What is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit?"
• John Piper preached a sermon on the topic
• Three schools of thought on interpretation
• Notes from a sermon by Dave Redick of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Oregon

If you read just one, read the John Piper sermon.

So now that you've had a chance to dig deeper, what effect do these answers have on your life?

Meeting at Noelridge Park May 24, 2009

Reminder: Marriage Matters will meet at Noelridge Park on May 24. Bring your dinner and a Frisbee, football, or ...flute? Instead of a lesson, we'll be hanging out and enjoying each others' company.

Whether you're in Cedar Rapids or traveling, have a great Memorial Day weekend!

Too Big or Too Small?

In the passage we looked at tonight, Mark 2:18-3:19, some of the Pharisees challenge Jesus three times about his interpretation of the law. Jesus responds with a parable:

No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into new wineskins.

If the patch of cloth or the new wine represents Jesus, and the garment or the wineskins represent the a human relationship with God (as individuals or as a church), then Jesus was telling the Pharisees that he did not intend to fit into the mold of their teaching.

I found it interesting Jesus used two almost contradictory images to illustrate his point. Just as the patch of cloth will shrink and become too small for its purpose, Jesus is too small to satisfy some religious expectations. But just as the wine will expand and burst the wineskins, Jesus is far too big to fit into other religious expectations.

For us today, that should still hold true. Jesus is not willing to be molded into what we want him to be. Our preconceptions, our expectations, and our religious rituals don't control him. He will either be too small to help us, or too big for us to approach. But if we come to Jesus, leaving our agenda behind, and experience him, he has promised to satisfy us.

As for you, how can you keep your focus on doing good and holding firm to the gospel, while being flexible in your approach to Jesus?

Paralyzed by Laughter

Wow, that was fun!

We took a look at the story of the paralytic in Mark 2:1-12, each of four groups from a different perspective: the paralytic, the paralytic's friends, the teachers of the law, and the crowd. And not a single group managed to avoid being hilarious. From the bumped-head-amnesiac bystander, the town gossip ("I was practically there!"), the chainsaw-wielding friends, to the PTA (Pharisee Teacher's Association) meeting, hardware shopping at Temple Depot, and the Factor interview of the paralytic-turned-dance-instructor...very funny stuff.

Stories and the different points of view that different people have about the same events are important when it comes to developing relationships with people, and inviting them into the humor-filled (and love-filled) Kingdom of God.

Your "homework", if you choose to do it, is to read Mark 2:13-17 for a reminder of the Matthew Party concept that we discussed during the Just Walk Across the Room series. And then think of ways to apply that concept.

After all, in addition to taking a step toward the salvation of souls, you'll also be inviting people to share in the kind of fun and laughter we shared tonight.

Questions from Mark 1:33

[Apologies for not getting this posted promptly after last week's class. -ms]

What was the crowd in Mark 1:33 looking for when they came to see Jesus? A healer, a miracle worker, an entertainer, a Messiah, or something else?

What are you looking for when you approach Jesus?

Writers Wanted!

Hey Marriage Mattersers!

So far I've been writing this blog pretty much by myself, with Lindsay graciously filling in one week. I would like to open things up a bit more, and unleash some of the talented people we have in our ABF.

If you have any interest in taking notes occasionally and posting them to the blog (of course, we'll probably have some kind of a schedule to avoid duplicated effort), please let me (Matt) know.

An Awkward Exercise

As part of the discussion of the first half of Mark 1, we discussed Jesus's baptism. When Jesus was baptized, a voice came from heaven, telling him, "You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."

The first thing we talked about was the encouragement that must have been to Jesus. Imagine your (human) father telling you "You're my son/daughter. I love you. I'm proud of you. You're good at what you do."

As followers of Christ, we have been saved by God's grace. And God now sees us as saints, washed clean by Jesus's blood. He sees us through Christ. God feels the same way about us now as He felt about Jesus.

To help make that seem a little more real, we tried an exercise:

• First, turn to your spouse. Tell him/her "You are God's beloved son/daughter. God loves you."
• Now, say out loud to yourself "I am God's beloved son/daughter. God loves me."

The second part felt a little awkward--and not just because some people don't usually talk to themselves. It seems presumptuous to claim God's love. But God has freely offered it, adopting each of us, and has freed us from guilt.

When you really wrap your mind around that, and your heart fully believes that, let me know. I'll want to know how you did that, and I'll want to celebrate with you.

No ABF Meeting on Easter

Just a reminder: New Covenant ABFs will not meet on Easter Sunday, April 12, 2009.

I hope you have a joy-filled day celebrating the resurrection of Christ Jesus, and look forward to seeing you on the 19th.