Amgad and Jenny's Marriage Tips

Marriage Matters - Sunday, July 11, 2010

1. Develop a vision and the core values for your family
   
   1. Most important tip we can offer (still working on it ourselves)
   2. Guides every other decision you make individually, as a couple, and a family
   3. Aligns your everyday choices to make progress toward your ultimate vision
   4. Why leave something to chance that is so eternally important?
   
   


2. Carve out intentional time to invest in your marriage and evaluate your vision & values
   
   1. For us, it’s a date night every week
   2. Also do a weekly review/preview that gives us a pulse on how we’re doing with current goals or projects
   3. Putting Joey to bed early and doing little or no chores in the evening to be together alone for downtime


3. Encourage each other in areas where we’re most skilled
   
   1. Anyone can criticize their spouse for things they’re bad at
   2. Important also to build up our spouses in areas they excel
   3. Challenge them to take their skills to the next level
   4. Unique perspective as a spouse - extremely close but able to be objective and honest
   5. Give advice for improvement gently; accept advice humbly
   6. Example: Jenny excels at meticulous budgeting, but Amgad encouraged her to use her time wisely by focusing on lowering the taxable assessed value of the house rather than coupon clipping
   
   


4. Show grace for the other person’s recurring weaknesses - but work on those recurring weaknesses yourself as a way of showing love/respect (Sesame Street clip)
   
   1. Usually in the “little things” but enough offenses and they become big things
   2. Example: Jenny makes big meal that takes forever; Amgad wants quality time
   3. Amgad has learned to be gracious when Jenny keeps making this mistake
   4. Jenny has realized that it’s not just a punctuality issue but also a way to show Amgad that she respects him so much that she’ll work to overcome this weakness
   5. Amgad is learning to lovingly & humbly challenge and enable Jenny to improve
   
   


5. Don’t make jokes that tear each other down
   
   1. As big teasers, this is our way of enjoying ourselves and relieving tension
   2. Although “all in fun” it can hurt if the spouse is sensitive in a particular area.
   3. Example: Amgad joking about Jenny’s growing belly very early on in the pregnancy hurts Jenny because she feels fat
   4. Best to build your spouse up and avoid the teasing


6. Mentorship: Getting to know each other’s parents and other older couples
   
   1. Relationship w/ each others’ parents
      
      1. Has given us a window into our spouse’s behavior.
      2. Also helps us to glean wisdom in their parenting (of us!)
      3. Example: Jenny now knows why Amgad is so cautious and thorough -- his mom is the one who taught him that!
      4. Example: Amgad now knows why Jenny is so clumsy and careless -- her dad is the one who modeled that for her!
      5. Developing an awareness of these attributes helps us to be wise in balancing them in our own relationship and parenting style
   2. Developing relationships w/ older couples helpful in so many ways:
      
      1. Window into future stages of marriage and child rearing
      2. Wisdom and encouragement for current seasons we’re going through that they’ve already succeeded in
      3. Safe third party for resolving conflicts because both of us respect their advice and are willing to take it
      4. Doesn’t have to be an ongoing committed mentor relationship -- can be dinner or coffee as a need arises. Mix it up and meet lots of different types of couples!
      5. Meet these couples through serving, Bible studies...anywhere! Evaluate areas you’d like to grow as a couple and seek couples you feel are strong in that area
      6. Great opportunity to view families farther along than yours and discuss what you’d want for your own family.
      7. Mentor relationships don’t always have to be with couples who are a generation ahead of you, but just a season. Ex: Jenny sought out Heather Adolphs for advice on disciplining Joey
   
   
   3. Make a budget for your resources (time, talent, treasure)
      
      1. This is where the rubber meets the road with your values
      2. We’ve found it helpful to be specific rather than vague in numbers for a money budget; specificity reduces the risk of misunderstanding
      3. Parable of the Talents
      4. So much freedom in having a plan!

[Thanks to Amgad and Jenny for sharing with us!]

Sunday School Revisited - Noah (Genesis 6:1-9:17)

[This is just a HTML-ification of the notes and handouts for the first lesson in the "Sunday School Revisited" series.]

There are a lot of stories from Sunday School that were just stories, and never really seemed to connect to other parts of the Bible. Maybe they don't get connected until later. Maybe you never really went to Sunday School, so when some of these names get mentioned in church or a Bible study or ABF, you feel lost. This series revisits some of the “classics” from Sunday School, tries to flesh them out, and put them into some context.

[Opening large-group]

1. How many people attended Sunday School very regularly as children? Irregularly or not often? Never?
2. Read the story of Noah from a kid's Bible. Ask how complete the story is.
3. To flesh out the story, let's first split into groups of 3-4 couples.
4. Each group will have a different aspect of the story to look at and teach the rest of the class. Each group also gets to assemble some sort of craft project to illustrate something about what they are teaching. At the end, we'll get back together and you can teach the other groups what you learned and share your craft project.

[Small Group 1]

Your group gets... Covenants!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about covenants in the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about covenants, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• What is a covenant?
• How many covenants had God made with humanity prior to Noah?
• Would God make other covenants with humanity after Noah?
• The word “covenant” appears in Genesis 6:18, then again frequently in Genesis 9:1-17. Was God making one covenant, or two? What was the nature of the covenant(s)?
• What was God agreeing to under the covenant(s) he made with Noah? What was humanity agreeing to?
• Who got the better end of the deal? Why?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life today?

[Small Group 2]

Your aspect is... Salvation!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about salvation in the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about humanity being saved, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• How many people were there in the world at the time of the flood?
• How many were saved?
• Genesis 6:9 says that Noah was “blameless”. What does that mean? How does that compare to “sinless”?
• What connections do you see between Noah and Jesus?
• What differences do you see in the salvation Noah offered and the salvation Jesus offered?
• What was the salvation that came through Noah?
• What was the salvation that came through Jesus?
• Do you think that what God did through Noah was a foreshadowing of what God would do through Jesus? Why or why not?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life today?

[Small Group 3]

Your group gets... Justice and Mercy!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
(God's patience and giving second chances, combined with righteousness and justice)
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about God's justice and God's mercy in the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about justice and mercy, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• Why did God send the flood?
• Did God want to send the flood?
• How much sin can God tolerate?
• How much sin did God tolerate? (see Genesis 6:5-7)
• Was the world more or less wicked in those days than today? Why do you think so?
• What examples of mercy can you find in the story?
• Do you think God displayed more justice or more mercy in the account of the flood?
• Here's a specific example to get you thinking: what kind of warning did people outside of Noah's family have about the flood? Was this more just, or more merciful?
• When discussing Noah and the flood, is justice or mercy usually the focus?
• In versions of the story for young children (e.g. in kid's Bibles), is justice or mercy usually the focus?
• Is this a good thing or not?
• Should the other aspect get more focus in versions for children?
• If there weren't animals in this story, do you think this story would be a Sunday School staple?
• After the flood, had humanity run out of second chances from God?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life today?

[Small Group 4]

Your aspect is... Content Community in Confined Quarters!

The account of Noah's life is in Genesis 6:1 through Genesis 9:29
Your group's task is to teach the rest of the class about “Content Community in Confined Quarters”—that is, getting along with others in cramped living spaces—using the story of Noah and the flood. You should construct a craft project to illustrate something about keeping a confined community content, and use that craft project when teaching the rest of the class.
The questions below are to get you thinking and talking. You don't have to answer or even discuss all of the questions. They are there for inspiration. But please do try to answer the last question as you share with the rest of the class.

• What's it like to be cooped up with a few other people for a long time?
• How many people were in the ark?
• How big was the ark? How much space do you think was reserved for people?
• Approximately how long were they in the ark?
• Approximately how smelly were they in the ark?
• How well would you have dealt with this situation?
• What conflicts do you think might have arisen between you and your spouse if you had been on the ark?
• How would you counsel someone else to deal with a needing to live in tight quarters with a similar group of family members for a long time?
• How can you apply this knowledge to your life or marriage today?