Amgad and Jenny's Marriage Tips

Marriage Matters - Sunday, July 11, 2010

1. Develop a vision and the core values for your family
   
   1. Most important tip we can offer (still working on it ourselves)
   2. Guides every other decision you make individually, as a couple, and a family
   3. Aligns your everyday choices to make progress toward your ultimate vision
   4. Why leave something to chance that is so eternally important?
   
   


2. Carve out intentional time to invest in your marriage and evaluate your vision & values
   
   1. For us, it’s a date night every week
   2. Also do a weekly review/preview that gives us a pulse on how we’re doing with current goals or projects
   3. Putting Joey to bed early and doing little or no chores in the evening to be together alone for downtime


3. Encourage each other in areas where we’re most skilled
   
   1. Anyone can criticize their spouse for things they’re bad at
   2. Important also to build up our spouses in areas they excel
   3. Challenge them to take their skills to the next level
   4. Unique perspective as a spouse - extremely close but able to be objective and honest
   5. Give advice for improvement gently; accept advice humbly
   6. Example: Jenny excels at meticulous budgeting, but Amgad encouraged her to use her time wisely by focusing on lowering the taxable assessed value of the house rather than coupon clipping
   
   


4. Show grace for the other person’s recurring weaknesses - but work on those recurring weaknesses yourself as a way of showing love/respect (Sesame Street clip)
   
   1. Usually in the “little things” but enough offenses and they become big things
   2. Example: Jenny makes big meal that takes forever; Amgad wants quality time
   3. Amgad has learned to be gracious when Jenny keeps making this mistake
   4. Jenny has realized that it’s not just a punctuality issue but also a way to show Amgad that she respects him so much that she’ll work to overcome this weakness
   5. Amgad is learning to lovingly & humbly challenge and enable Jenny to improve
   
   


5. Don’t make jokes that tear each other down
   
   1. As big teasers, this is our way of enjoying ourselves and relieving tension
   2. Although “all in fun” it can hurt if the spouse is sensitive in a particular area.
   3. Example: Amgad joking about Jenny’s growing belly very early on in the pregnancy hurts Jenny because she feels fat
   4. Best to build your spouse up and avoid the teasing


6. Mentorship: Getting to know each other’s parents and other older couples
   
   1. Relationship w/ each others’ parents
      
      1. Has given us a window into our spouse’s behavior.
      2. Also helps us to glean wisdom in their parenting (of us!)
      3. Example: Jenny now knows why Amgad is so cautious and thorough -- his mom is the one who taught him that!
      4. Example: Amgad now knows why Jenny is so clumsy and careless -- her dad is the one who modeled that for her!
      5. Developing an awareness of these attributes helps us to be wise in balancing them in our own relationship and parenting style
   2. Developing relationships w/ older couples helpful in so many ways:
      
      1. Window into future stages of marriage and child rearing
      2. Wisdom and encouragement for current seasons we’re going through that they’ve already succeeded in
      3. Safe third party for resolving conflicts because both of us respect their advice and are willing to take it
      4. Doesn’t have to be an ongoing committed mentor relationship -- can be dinner or coffee as a need arises. Mix it up and meet lots of different types of couples!
      5. Meet these couples through serving, Bible studies...anywhere! Evaluate areas you’d like to grow as a couple and seek couples you feel are strong in that area
      6. Great opportunity to view families farther along than yours and discuss what you’d want for your own family.
      7. Mentor relationships don’t always have to be with couples who are a generation ahead of you, but just a season. Ex: Jenny sought out Heather Adolphs for advice on disciplining Joey
   
   
   3. Make a budget for your resources (time, talent, treasure)
      
      1. This is where the rubber meets the road with your values
      2. We’ve found it helpful to be specific rather than vague in numbers for a money budget; specificity reduces the risk of misunderstanding
      3. Parable of the Talents
      4. So much freedom in having a plan!

[Thanks to Amgad and Jenny for sharing with us!]