Simple Truths About Parenting - Session 1

[Matt's notes from the parenting series taught by Don & Blynda. These are mostly unedited from the originals. Please feel free to add clarifications in comments.]

A husband and wife is a complete family unit (Genesis - after making Eve, God pronounced the new family "very good").

• Husband's primary relationship within the family is with his wife.
• Wife's primary relationship within the family is with her husband.
• Avoid child-centeredness.
  
• Focus first on strengthening marriage.
• Kids don't draw you away from the H/W relationship, but they do distract completely.
• Take the first part of the day/your time to do/plan something for your spouse (don't leave spouse with what's left)
• Once the baby is born, ASAP, start dating again, then ASAP without taking the kid with
  
• Husbands - remind your wife of the fun you used to have - remind her she used to be fun and not tired (pursue her)

Four Phases of Parenting (continuum)

Age	Birth	Age 7	Age 13	Age 18
Relationship	Directing	Coaching	Mentoring	Releasing
State of Child	Folly	...	...	Wisdom
Structure	Authority	...	...	Mutual Respect
Response (child to parent)	Duty	...	...	Devotion

Mandate: Authority/Influence

• 1 Corinthians 11:3, Exodus 20:12, Colossians 3:30 (really directed at parents)
• Person under authority choses to line their will up under the authority (order their will under)
• To parent well, you need to understand authority
• To parent well, you need to use your influence
• You only have a few years of influence - about 13
• God designed it that way
• Establish authority by age 4
• After that, it's difficult - then it's influence
  

Mission: Discipline = Discipling

• Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 19:18 (read in The Message version)
• The idea that Discipline = Discipling is not cultural
• According to God's word, and your goals, and each kid's "bent", set goals (less than 4, and keep them simple) for your kids' lives. (The kid's "bent" is 3rd because the mission you set for each kid should align with the family mission.)

Method

• Use a standard that will pass the test of time
• The Bible is a standard like that
• Parenting theories come and go
• Be proactive, not reactive
• Know where you're headed
• Watch for families with positive examples ("I'd like our family to look like them")
• Do other people enjoy your kids?
• Realize each child will be unique (revise method according to their bent)
• Be a "student of your children" - take the time to get to know them

It's okay to take some date time to talk about the kids...BUT NOT ALL/MOST OF THE TIME!